Notes: A Sam and Jack Shipper Story
by Kat Donovan
Summary: Summary: This series was inspired by a bunch of songs and what not that I have heard over the past few months while I pinned away for Jack and Sam and what they refuse to let themselves have. True love. Maybe Sam and Jack will get things right...but how?
1. Notes: Don't

Notes: Chapter1- "Don't"  
By Katrina Donovan  
I do not own Stargate, it's Characters, actors, or story lines. (If I did, well I would be a lot happier that's all I have to say!) I do not own Kelly Clarkson or the lyrics to her song "Don't"  
Spoilers: This does take place after "Affinity"...anything that happens after that timetable in this series is pure want and speculation on my part. Maybe TPTB should read it and take some notes!  
  
Don't  
Yes...She said yes...and I can't help but think "What have I done?!?" Nothing, that's what I have done. And look where it has gotten me! No where. I am still an old, battered and beaten soldier who is alone. I am not with out love. God do I love her...but she, well she seems to have found someone else. And honestly I don't know if I can take just having a friendship with her. There is just too much history there. We know too much about the other for us to just "remain friends". I'll do it because I love her and I want her to be happy...but it's gonna hurt like hell. But I would do anything for her, and she knows that.  
  
I haven't really talked to her since she made the announcement. I haven't really found a way to think about her marrying another man with out breakin' down into sobs, let alone talking about it. I have to remain strong. She is going to need me. I am her friend...that's what I am supposed to do. But I have to tell her how I feel...lord knows I can't do it verbally...but we need to talk. So I am going to leave a note on her lab door. She is in Danny's lab right now, and the base is pretty dead.  
  
I am walkin' down the hall to her lab clutching the note like it's my last life line. In some sense it is. It's my last chance to let her know how I really feel without coming across as weak. Blame the Air Force for that...but at least this way she knows. I take the note and tape it to her door. Then I make my way top side; never looking back.  
  
Lt. Col. Sam Carter makes her way back to her lab. She and Danny had been discussing Gen. Jack O'Neill's odd behavior as of late. Neither one could figure out why...but he seemed withdrawn...yet eerily mellow. They couldn't quite pin point why or when the change began. As she got to her lab door she noticed a piece of while note paper taped to it. She pulled it off and read it...

**Sam-**

**Don't say I love you, don't say you need me**

**Don't say I trust you, my heart can't take it**

**Don't say you want me, don't say you miss me**

**Don't hurt me, don't say you love me**

**I have tried my best to rid my thought of you and I.**

**It's so hard. When you come to me I fall**

**Back on my knees. I have learned to hate love.**

**I love you so much...but you don't see me**

**-Jack**


	2. Notes: I Decide

Notes: Chapter1- "I Decide"  
By Katrina Donovan  
I do not own Stargate, it's Characters, actors, or story lines. (If I did, well I would be a lot happier that's all I have to say!) I do not own Lindsay Lohan or the lyrics to her song "I Decide"  
Spoilers: This does take place after "Affinity"...anything that happens after that timetable in this series is pure want and speculation on my part. Maybe TPTB should read it and take some notes!  
  
I Decide  
I don't know whether or not I should cry or scream! I am looking at the note Jack...not General...not O'Neill, but JACK left on my lab door. And now it all makes sense. His mood change...him slowly cutting himself off from me...yet still keeping himself open if I need him. I can't be mad at him for this note. He is doing what I wish he had done over 4 years ago. He is taking it out of the room...but why not face to face? That I don't understand.  
  
Had any other person not familiar with this whole...whole...mess...seen this note, well they might have seen it as Jack giving me an ultimatum. But I know what it is. It's Jack O'Neill's way of putting him self out there. We it comes it his feelings...well...he is not one to talk about them. Point in case...2 weeks after Pete gave me the ring...and I asked Jack, "What about us? What if things had been different?", and he responded "I wouldn't be here." and left it at that. Then I thought he was just trying to avoid the issue entirely...but now...after seeing this...that one line says so much.  
  
He basically said that he would have given it all up just to be with me...and now I am left with a decision to make. I have told Pete yes...but nothing is set in stone...and it did take me almost 3 weeks to give him an answer. Most women would have given him an answer in 3 seconds. The tables have been turned...and either way someone is gonna walk away hurt. Pete has given up so much for me...and yet so has Jack. Jack has basically given me up in order to ensure my happiness. I search my desk for a piece of paper. I quickly jot something down. Knowing that he is already off base, I make my way to his office and slip that paper under his office door  
  
Jack makes his way back to his office. He had forgotten some files he had wanted to take home and his Simpson's season 3 DVD set that Siler had borrowed. As he opened his office door he saw a small piece of white not paper lying on the floor. He picked it up and read it...

**Jack-**

**Don't think you're ever gonna hold me down**

**Couldn't do it then, can't do it now**

**I'm kickin' down all the fences**

**I'm gonna do it all and do too much**

**And if I mess the whole thing up,**

**It's my ride...I decide**

**I'm taking my own chances and finding my own answers**

**I am only answering to me and that's the way it's gonna be...**

**I decide**

**-Sam**


	3. Notes: Dreams, pt1

Notes: Chapter 3- "Dreams" Part 1  
By Katrina Donovan  
I do not own Stargate, it's Characters, actors, or story lines. (If I did, well I would be a lot happier that's all I have to say!) I do not own Diana DeGarmo or the lyrics to her song "Dreams"  
Spoilers: This does take place after "Affinity"...anything that happens after that timetable in this series is pure want and speculation on my part. Maybe TPTB should read it and take some notes!  
  
Dreams, Part 1  
I didn't sleep well at all last night. I have played phone tag before, but never "post-it" tag. I stir here in my office looking at the note that I found taped to my door last night. -I DECIDE- I see those words and something in me begins to snap. Does she have doubts about how I feel and have felt for her? Is she having doubts about Pete? I am more confused now than I was yesterday morning when I sat down and wrote THE note.  
  
Thanks to her the ball is now in my court and I am drawing a serious blank. I never intended for one little note to spark this little unspoken conversation. Why is it so hard for us to tell the other how we really feel? Why in writing? Why can't we say it out loud, face to face? Would saying the words make it seem more real and less like the dream world that we have created over the past 8 years? Yes, that's it...Dream....Dreams...  
  
I am walking to her lab. She is in a meeting with a few of the other eggheads, so I know her lab will be void of human life. In my hand, I hold a small piece of paper. There is writing on it, but to me it's more than just scribbled ink lines on clean crisp sheet of white paper. I have realized that each of these little notes have some how become my final few chances to win her back. In my other hand I hold two pictures.  
  
One was taken many years ago. It's me, her, and Cassie sitting in the grass at the park not to far from her house. All three of us have million watt smiles. It was taken shortly after Cassie was given the go ahead to live here on earth. Cassie and I had waged a tickle war on Sam, and she was losing the battle. Danny had snapped the photo, and shortly after Doc's death Cassie had given the picture to me. To any outside observer, it would look like a candid family photo. But to me it's a dream; a dream that is slowly slipping out of my grasp. The second photo isn't even from this reality. It was left behind by a visitor long ago. What was a reality to her is nothing more than a fading dream to me.  
  
I open the door to her lab. I look around to make sure she is really gone. I spot her laptop and place the note and photos on the keyboard. With one last look around the lab, I leave and make my way back to my office.  
  
Ten minutes later the door opens to the lab where a man left his dreams and heart lying on the keyboard of a Dell Laptop. A woman enters and begins to look around her desk. She is in search of a report that is due on the General's desk within the hour. She then notices the photos and the note. She picks up the small piece of paper first and begins to read it out loud...

**Sam-**

**Dreams are just dreams when **

**they are stuck in side your head...**

**And all it takes is a little help from you.**

**We took the longest road just**

**To make it harder...**

**Let's do it all again, **

**It only makes us stronger.**

**DREAMS...**

**-Jack**


	4. Notes: Breakaway, pt1

Notes: Chapter4- "Breakaway, pt.1"  
By Katrina Donovan  
I do not own Stargate, its Characters, actors, or story lines. (If I did, well I would be a lot happier that's all I have to say!) I do not own Kelly Clarkson or the lyrics to her song "Breakaway"  
Spoilers: This does take place after "Affinity"...anything that happens after that timetable in this series is pure want and speculation on my part. Maybe TPTB should read it and take some notes!  
  
Breakaway, pt.1

What the Hell is going on!?! How is this happening? More importantly, why is this happening? Why now? Why not 9 months ago? He has the worst timing EVER! The worst I tell you. Is he trying to make me doubt myself?

"No." I jump in my chair. Damn Special Ops Training. I didn't even hear him walk in. Hell I didn't even know I was talking out loud. He looks at my hands, taking in the fact that I am now clutching the wedding photo. "Handsome Couple" is all he says. "Sir what can I do for you?" He gives me a blank look. "I came to see if you were done with your report. I thought I would save you the trouble of brining it to my office."

I look at him and I am stunned. What have I done to him? "Look Carter, if you aren't done that's fine. You do have until the end of the day." He turns to leave, his back facing me. "Jack..." he stops walking, and he slowly turns to face me. His eyes are full of pain, and surprisingly, love. "Don't" is all he says before he continues to walking out of my lab and down the hall.

Suddenly my left hand feels very heavy. What have I done to Jack O'Neill? How could I have broken him? I never thought it possible. I honestly never thought he cared that much. I just thought it was a one sided love, that one side being my side. DAMN! I have some serious thinking to do. Do I love Pete? No, I like him, but I can't say I love him or that I am in love with him. Am I going to marry Pete? Good question! If I were to back out now, I know he would be hurt. But I know he would move on. Something tells me that if I marry Pete, I will lose Jack forever. That is something I can not and will not do. I almost lost him twice this year. I don't think I could handle seeing him everyday knowing he wants nothing to do with me.

So now I must make a decision. What am I willing to give up to prove to Jack that I sill love him and that I am sorry for hurting him? Am I willing to give up Pete and everything he has promised me? Hell Ya! I would give up the white picket fence and 2.5 kids if it means I still had Jack O'Neill in my life. I reach down to my left hand and slide the modest ring off my finger. Suddenly my hand doesn't feel so heavy. I put the ring back into its box and then place the box in my purse.

Now that we have all that settled, I still have one more question to answer. Am I willing to give up the Air Force? I wouldn't mind working in a civilian capacity. I would have more freedom where my work is concerned, and honestly going off world doesn't hold the thrill that it used to. It's not the same without him. Yeah, I think it's finally time to just breakaway.

I look at my watch and realized that it's lunch time which means he will be in the mess eating with Teal'c and Danny. I grab the wedding photo and a pin. I scribble something on the back. I then take off my dog tags. I look at them carefully. I can't help by smile. I open my top left hand drawer and pull out a small photo album. I flip through a couple of pages before I find the picture I am looking for. It's a team photo. It was taken the day Jonas returned to his home. There is the original SG-1, Janet, Jonas, Dad, and General Hammond of course. I then reach for a small post-it. I scribble down a short note and then make my way to his office making sure I also have the report he was asking about earlier.

General Jack O'Neill was walking down the hall to his office. He was deep in thought. You could tell by the way his hands were shoved deep into his pockets and by the way he watched ever single step he made. He was deep in thought. He was wondering why is former 2IC had not joined him and their friends for lunch. He walked into his office. Sat down at his desk and noticed that a new folder had been added. He realized it was Sam's report. He picked it up to read it when he heard something jingle. It was a set of dog tags. Upon further investigation he realized they were Sam's dog tags. He picked them up and noticed that they were lying on not one, but two photos. He picked up the first one. He remembered the photo and he remembered the day that photo had been taken. It was a family photo of sorts. He smiled, and then frowned when he noticed the second photo. It was one of the photos that he had left her. It was the picture that had belonged to the other Sam and Jack. It was then he noticed the little pink post-it that was stuck to the back of the photo. He began to read it out loud...

**Jack-**

**Wanted to belong here, but something felt so wrong here**

**So I prayed...**

**I'll spread my wings, and I'll learn how to fly**

**I'll do what it takes til I touch the sky**

**Make a wish, take a chance, make a change...**

**Out of the darkness and into the sun**

**But I won't forget all the ones that I love**

**Take a risk, take a chance, make a change**

**And BREAKAWAY**

**-DR. Sam **

I am in need of some help....I can't decided if I want Jack to be a bit dense in understanding what Sam is trying to tell him with these lyrics. If anyone can suggest a song...please email me at .

Huggles

Katrina


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